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Date Our Buddy - Andrew              Last Updated: 7/13/2009 - Erev Bastille Day!

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Welcome to DateOurBuddy.com! The only site on the internet where you're guaranteed* to find that truly special someone living in the greater Washington DC area. Someone to travel with you on life's many journeys, make you chicken noodle soup when you feel sick, rub your belly when you're having particularly bad cramps during that unfortunate time of the month, laugh at your stupid jokes and who absolutely does not (I repeat, does NOT) have a deep, dark secret that would make your black friends blush like they're your drunk asian friends with an inactive enzyme (aldehyde dehydrogenase 2).

Also, don't try to read anything into the fact that I over-emphasized how he doesn't have a mysterious/super creepy secret.  I can assure you that I wasn't being defensive as a result of him actually having a horrific secret.  I just wanted to make it clear how there's no baggage with this guy...you're the one being defensive. 

Anyway, we may not have as many options as some of those lesser other sites (eHarmony, JDate, match.com, et al.), but the people (person) we do offer on this site is quite simply the best single guy in the greater DC area.  To put it quite simply: In the refrigerator of life, our buddy is the Sunny Delight and all other guys are the purple stuff.

So who is this dream guy that sounds too good to be true?

"I'm Andrew and I approve this message"
(Not an actual quote)

Ever find yourself looking for more? Not just more out of life, but more ethnicities out of a potential mate? Well, you've come to the right place. Get ready to double dip into a delicious fusion of Chinese-Jewish-American goodness. No, it's not the new restaurant on your street: it's our good buddy Andrew!!!

Like John Lennon once put it, "pour some sugar on me." Andrew's hot. He's sticky sweet. And he's ready to experience all of have to offer...from your head down to your feet.

He's been to China. He's been to Iceland. And he's been outside of various residential windows at night time. But he hasn't been out with you...yet. But he's ready. So put down that Seventeen magazine and apply! Your dream date with Andrew awaits.

If somehow you're still not convinced that Andrew is perfect for you, we are keeping a running tally of the near infinite reasons why you should date our buddy, Andrew.
The Top Reasons Why You Should Date Our Buddy:

  • Used to read Word Up magazine.


  • Godot is waiting for Andrew.


  • Successfully framed Judge Doom for the framing of Roger Rabbit.


  • He never calls it a comeback.


  • Andrew's body is ergonomically designed for spooning. Not only will he keep you warm at night, but you'll wake up with better posture.


  • Phonics are hooked on Andrew.


  • Recently, while flying cross-country, Andrew had a short layover in Milwaukee. Though he was barely there long enough to enjoy a meal from Chili's Too, his arrival forced Milwaukee's Best to change their name to Milwaukee's 2nd Best.


  • He is, and always has been, an ambi-turner.


  • Hearts have Andrew attacks.


  • When he sees something, he says something.


  • Has always believed it wasn’t butter.


  • Andrew drinks 3 Mountain Dews a day (because he’s extreme like that). Has he heard the rumor that it reduces sperm count? Of course he has. Is he concerned about it? I think the 2008 award for 'World's Most Fertile Man' speaks for itself.


  • He might set it, but he never, ever forgets it.


  • The river is too deep to ford? Maybe for most men, but Andrew can ford rivers of any depth (with flawless fording technique). Additionally, all of his accompanying oxen always survive.


  • Would never have a phone conversation with you while he’s secretly in the bathroom. If, however, it’s an emergency and he must do so reluctantly, he will talk in such a way to prevent the bathroom-echo-effect so that you can’t tell.


  • In the late eighteenth century, the United States Mint decided to print 'Andrew' on every piece of currency. This plan backfired, however, as the constant reminder quickly lead to a state of hyper-arousal for the entire population. Four months later, 'E. pluribus unum' was created.


  • Despite a few close calls, he has never been caught riding dirty.


  • Never blames it on the rain... except in cases when it's actually the rain's fault. And even then he often lets it slide.


  • Jesus has an Andrew Fish on his car.


  • Has the rare ability to literally swim in money – much like Scrooge McDuck – and he does…often.


  • A recent scientific study determined that global warming can be entirely attributed to Andrew's sexiness.  Being the Earth-loving man that he is, Andrew nobly attempted to limit said sexiness.  Attempts were not successful. (Earth Day Special)


  • Andrew literally loves the environment.  Not only does he plant flowers but he also de-flowers plants. (Earth Day Special)


  • Contrary to popular belief, the reason that Andrew only eats the green M&Ms is to show his support for the Earth and not because when he was in middle school he once heard that they make you horny.  If he were looking to get horny, all he needs is a mirror. (Earth Day Special)


  • In a survey of 100 people asked 'What type of plant would Andrew be?', the most common answer was Bonsai.  Reasons given were that he is tidy, Asian, and extremely well-hung. (Earth Day Special)


  • In honor of Earth Day 2005, Andrew had his name legally changed to Andrew Appleseed.  Court orders would later nullify this after descendants from Johnny's family complained that Andrew was not continuing the legacy of 'spreading his seeds to children everywhere'. (Earth Day Special)


  • Knows when to correctly use vosotros.


  • He's so lucky that he often uses the 'I'm Feeling Lucky' button when he Googles.


  • Andrew knows how they cram all that graham into every bite of Golden Grahams... he knows exactly how.


  • Does he notice when some mannequins needlessly have unreasonably hard nipples? Of course he does, he's very perceptive.  However, it makes him uncomfortable and he always averts his eyes.


  • Always does the code for 30 lives when he plays Contra, but only uses one.


  • He's a Ford truck man.


  • Andrew can have fun while sober.  I mean, it won't be as fun as when he's drunk but objectively still kinda fun.  More fun than reading, that's for sure. 


  • Andrew knows the difference between yams and sweet potatoes.  After he tells you, you're probably not going to want to eat one of these ever again. (Thanksgiving Special)


  • Andrew's forefathers were pilgrims.  But not the good "sharing turkey" kind.  More of the pilfering and pillaging type.  That's probably where Andrew gets his gruff side*. (Thanksgiving Special)
     
    *Andrew endorses pilfering but rejects the pillaging.


  • Invited a sasquatch to his thanksgiving feast last year.  His mom disapproved at first but warmed up to the idea once she learned that the sasquatch was a great guy. (Thanksgiving Special)


  • Has never made a dirty joke about thanksgiving stuffing.  But this may be the year.  Ask yourself - do you really want to risk missing out? (Thanksgiving Special)


  • Andrew didn't start eating turkey until 2005.  Coincidentally, his foundation for preserving turkey rights (Berserky for Turkey) has posted declining results since that point. (Thanksgiving Special)


  • He takes you by the heart, when he takes you by the hand.


  • In May 2001, Andrew spray-painted the word "Hammertime!" on the bottom of the stop sign on the corner of Gregerscroft and Autumnwood, thereby ensuring years of enjoyment for all residents and visitors of Country Place.


  • Unlike his friend, Kyle, Andrew is not secretly two midgets on top of one another in an over-sized coat.


  • Andrew doesn't understand the current trend toward "flat front" pants.  he isn't afraid of pleats...and he'll wear them if he sees fit.  That said, Andrew looks terrific in both styles of pant.


  • Can name all six teams from Legends of the Hidden Temple.


  • Has actually used a dental dam (small chance it was actually a Fruit Roll-Up, in which case I would be remiss not to point out his ingenuity and creative, albeit perverse, use of what is normally considered a delicious children's snack).


  • Andrew can name that tune in 3 notes (assuming the song is "I Swear" by All 4 One).


  • Can kick fitness celebrity, John Basedow's ass (but most-likely would not).


  • He's not down with OPP


  • Like most guys around the same age, Andrew often quotes movies like "Anchorman", "Big Lebowski" and "Wedding Crashers" during everyday conversations.  Unlike most guys, when Andrew does it it's refreshingly clever and funny.


  • Can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon


  • Has only once called his own voicemail in order to then send a voicemail directly to a girl without having to actually call her.  And he only did it so that he would know how not to do it in the future.


  • Doesn't need to do kegel exercises (but does them anyway)


  • He was originally picked to be the aeorbics instructor in the "Call on Me" video but was later replaced after network executives deemed his moves to be too risque


  • Andrew, as you can clearly see from this very scientific Venn Diagram, is a rare triple-threat: he's adorable, he satisfies, and he's at least partially Asian



  • Not only will Andrew get with your friends, make it last forever, and give (because taking is too easy) but he also has copious amounts of 'Zigazig-ha.'


  • Andrew knew the white Umbros were see-through but he wore them anyway


  • He's kid tested and mother approved


  • Little known Andrew fact: 'Scotty Doesn't Know' was originally titled 'Andrew Doesn't Know.'  The title was soon changed when it was revealed that there is in fact nothing that Andrew doesn't know


  • Because Andrew is not allowed to vote for President, there won't be any tense or uncomfortable political squabbles between you two.  (UPDATE: Apparently we're letting 'halfies' vote now-a-days.  My apologies)


  • He's got the Hooch...baby


  • Always on time for Shul


  • Jesus often asks himself "What Would Andrew Do?"


  • His job's his credit


  • Despite being very legit (arguably too legit), he understands his limitations and has no qualms about quitting


  • Steams a good ham


  • Andrew still owns and often wears a Hypercolor t-shirt.  Although, most people don't realize it's a Hypercolor because the shirt is always pink due to the fact that Andrew is such a hottie


  • He is qualified to operate the safety shower in science classrooms all throughout the continental United States.  Eye wash station certification is currently pending


  • Has never (to our knowledge) clubbed a baby seal


  • Andrew never uses numbers in words unless it's absolutely appropri8


  • Doesn't believe that recycling is only for pussies


  • Guns, not andrew, kill people


  • Andrew routinely rotates sleeping on each side of his bed in order to avoid any mattress indentation issues


  • Coined the term "frat-tastic" and regretted it immediately afterward


  • Knows where Carmen Sandiego is


  • Has never once, nor will he ever, uttered the word "irregardless"


  • Andrew's feet are impeccable.  His big toe is actually his largest toe (non of this rogue 2nd-toe being the largest, or heaven forbid, 3rd-toe being the largest) and they go from smallest (pinky toe) to largest (big toe) at precisely a 30 degree angle, just as God intended.  In fact, his toes are so perfectly aligned at 30 degrees that NASA scientists use his toes to calibrate their instruments.


  • Doesn't need to wear gloves when handling dry ice.


  • Andrew only wears short-sleeve shirts. It became too much of a hassle sewing his long-sleeves back together each time he accidentally flexed.


  • Ever see the original Debbie Does Dallas?  Well Andrew hasn't.  Because he is a well-mannered gentleman.


  • Once, Andrew heard that dogs have a heightened sense of smell.  He challenged several neighborhood dogs to a smell-off and successfully debunked that rumor.


  • Sometimes, just for shiggles, Andrew will speak solely in iambic pentameter.


  • Little known Andrew fact: Soundmaster T's classic hit "2 Much Booty (In da Pants)" is based on the life and times of Andrew.


  • 1/2 Jewish and a doctor?  Your Jewish mom will love him


  • Chickens get Andrew Pox.  It's a highly infectious disease that makes you totally cool (yes, this explains all those chickens in sunglasses and leather jackets you sometimes see when driving across state).


  • Prefers mittens to gloves.


  • Remember that game "Penguins" on your TI-83 (of course you do), we're pretty confident that someone like Andrew, although not necessarily Andrew, created it


  • When Andrew smiles, an angel gets its wings.  And by angel...i mean 'big biker dudes.'  And by wings, i mean 'involved sexually with one another.'  And by smiles, i mean 'walks into a biker bar.'  Hmm, i suppose that lead-in was a bit misleading.


  • 1/2 Asian, plays the piano, is genetically predisposed to have small feet and a doctor?  Your Asian mom will love him (yet, show no visible signs of approval)


  • Andrew is so awesome that despite the fact that he doesn't dance, he's still friends with Men Without Hats


  • He totally understands the ending to the movie The Shining and will totally explain it to you


  • 1/2 Jewish and 1/2 Asian?  Your Catholic mom will hate him.  Which is good because you're the rebellious type.  Did we mention that he often rides a motorcycle and has a general disregard for authority?  Because he does


  • The bathroom in his apartment is right next to the living room, so unless the TV is turned on really loud, odds are he can hear you when you use the bathroom.  However, Andrew is such a considerate guy that he'll pretend like he couldn't.


  • Not only does he always carry around chapstick, but, he has no qualms about sharing it with you.


  • 568! That's right. Andrew's high score on his Skip-It is an impressive 568.  Such agility, such passion, such ability to skip.


  • He knew those homes were there



  • We're not saying that andrew's the antidote, but he's certainly not the poison.  Note: correlation does not imply causation (but it may imply sexiness)


  • If you were going to a calculus test, you'd take a calculator.  If you were going to a chemistry exam, you'd have your periodic table handy.  So when you want to party, make sure to bring Andrew.


  • Andrew thought of the surge in iraq.  He was inspired by movements in his pants.


  • Andrew never uses incorrect punctuation...but don't worry, he doesn't point it out if you do.


  • Fish take Andrew oil supplements.  Not only is it a great source of Omega-3 fatty acids, promoting a healthy cardiovascular system, but it also acts as an all-natural fish aphrodisiac.


  • Andrew only writes with mechanical lead pencils to remind his foes that he can turn it on at the click of a button.  So far the tactic has mixed results.


  • I'm not going to claim that Andrew is the inventor of Slip 'n Slide.  But he was a test subject during its beta testing.  His suggestion: 'How about a little pool at the bottom?'  A rogue employee created Crocodile Mile shortly thereafter.


  • Comes with extra MSG - Major Stud Guarantee*


  • Always aims towards the side of the toilet bowl when peeing, so others won't be forced to hear (and then pretend they didn't) his impressive high-flow stream; resisting the urge and the later sense of accomplishment of filling the whole bowl up with his urine-produced bubbles.


  • Has a very liberal policy when it comes to wearing pants.


  • Andrew (without his advance knowledge or approval) has an entire website dedicated to him.


    * Not an actual guarantee
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