If you think you have what it takes to date our buddy (real hair, real fingernails, an ample-sized vagina) and live in the greater Washington, DC area, please follow the instructions below to apply to win a date.
Instructions:
To apply, please send an e-mail to DateOurBuddy@gmail.com. Be sure to try and include the following pertinent items in your e-mail.
1: Why you think you are a good match for our buddy
2: Personal details including your age, hometown and current occupation
3: Your ideal first date
4: Your ideal date partner (careful, this may be a trick)
5: A detailed account of any arrests or violent crimes that you have committed
6: Pictures of you (preferably scantily clad)
7: Any other details you would like us to know
Good luck!
Note #1: Any materials sent to us will be kept strictly private; images and materials sent in will not be reproduced or retransmitted in any form, and the accounts and descriptions of anything submitted will not be disseminated without the express written consent of the applicant and the National Football League.
Note #2: We here at DateOurBuddy.com are equal opportunity match-makers and thus male applicants will be considered as well. We are not implying that there's a chance that Andrew may be gay (believe you me, he certainly is not. Trust me, I know...from experience), we just think that being male shouldn't preclude anyone from experiecing the sheer bliss of getting to spend some quality time in a semi-romantic setting with Andrew.